Bathroom Codes

While at the mall one time, I had to use the restroom (this story could go anywhere at this point; seriously, I have so many adventures that start exactly like this).  A friend who was with me declared that she knew where the closest bathrooms were, because she had used them before.  “Number one or number two”, I asked.  She actually had done a number one and a number six, but she didn’t use these terms, for she didn’t know all of the appropriate bathroom codes.  So as a public service, I thought that I should list these bathroom codes so that more people might know and use them.

Number One: Urinating
Number Two: Defecating
Number Three: Masturbating
Number Four: Crying after masturbating
Number Five: Vomiting
Number Six: Inserting, removing, or changing a tampon
Number Seven:  Making a snot directly into the toilet or sink
Number Eight: Alleviating fluid from a pimple, boil, or lesion 
Number Nine: Bleeding accidentally
Number Ten: Bleeding on purpose
Number Eleven: Eating a sandwich or bowl of cereal
Number Twelve: Flossing strictly on the toilet
Number Thirteen: Drinking while showering or talking on the phone while bathing
Number Fourteen: Bathing a household pet
Number Fifteen: Bathing a stranger’s pet
Number Sixteen: Performing any human bathroom function into a pet’s litter box
Number Seventeen: Feeling shame
Number Eighteen: Hallucinating from fever or dicomfort
Number Nineteen: Combusting spontaneously (it is in poor taste to use this in any way except literal)

This entry was posted on Friday, October 17th, 2008 at 10:46 pm and is filed under Bathroom, Educational. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One Response to “Bathroom Codes”

  1. Mike D Says:

    No Crapsturbation? Oh wait, that’s number 17. What about when you’re making “tea”?

Leave a comment.

There are over 600,000 words in the English language--enough to go around. Don't be a word hog!