I threatened to do it, so buckle up, sluts. It’s time to get this party started.
I found something wholly magnificent at what I call Mexican Gabe’s. For those of you unacquainted with Gabe’s (short for Gabriel Brothers), it is a chain of stores that exists in six states toward the eastern lump of these United States. Each store is stocked to the gills with second-run, slightly-irregular, and (way) off-brand products that are bought at a fraction of normal cost and sold to consumers for a penny more. And for those of you unacquainted with Mexico, it is a third-world country that resides mostly in California–it has delicious Coca-cola, exquisite diarrhea, and no understanding whatsoever of personal boundaries.
Cut to the chase: I love my new Pro-Joggs. That’s right. I’m blogging about my sneakers. Suck it!
These cost ten dollars, and I love everything about them. I love their flinty blue nylon off-set by their saturated navy blue suede. I love their skinny-plastic-skateboard, like Duane from “What’s Happening”, style. I love their bright white vinyl, vaguely trademark infringing swoosh. I love their natural latex colored sole, which squeaks like the first day of school with every step.
Look at this logo! I am a damned fine designer, and I don’t think I could design a more boss logo if all of my candy was in jeopardy of spontaneously turning into celery. These might be the finest shoes ever crafted.
If you Google Pro-Joggs, you will get an address for the manufacturer but not much else–no official website. If you do an image search, you’ll get mostly pornography, because Joggs seems to be interchangable with jugs. I am truly blessed as it seems these shoes were handed to me directly from Jesus (which is a Mexican name). Did I mention there was only one pair sitting all alone on the shelf?
This is the perfect period at the end of the sentence. I’m sure this is a rip-off of Adidas or some other shoe company, but I just love the audacity of a shoe company that makes bo-bos (street slang for knock-off kicks) proudly and blatantly flaunting their bullshit branding. That’s right, world. I’m wearing Pro-Joggs!