It has come to this.

I threatened to do it, so buckle up, sluts. It’s time to get this party started.

I found something wholly magnificent at what I call Mexican Gabe’s. For those of you unacquainted with Gabe’s (short for Gabriel Brothers), it is a chain of stores that exists in six states toward the eastern lump of these United States. Each store is stocked to the gills with second-run, slightly-irregular, and (way) off-brand products that are bought at a fraction of normal cost and sold to consumers for a penny more. And for those of you unacquainted with Mexico, it is a third-world country that resides mostly in California–it has delicious Coca-cola, exquisite diarrhea, and no understanding whatsoever of personal boundaries.

Cut to the chase: I love my new Pro-Joggs. That’s right. I’m blogging about my sneakers. Suck it!


These cost ten dollars, and I love everything about them. I love their flinty blue nylon off-set by their saturated navy blue suede. I love their skinny-plastic-skateboard, like Duane from “What’s Happening”, style. I love their bright white vinyl, vaguely trademark infringing swoosh. I love their natural latex colored sole, which squeaks like the first day of school with every step.


Look at this logo! I am a damned fine designer, and I don’t think I could design a more boss logo if all of my candy was in jeopardy of spontaneously turning into celery. These might be the finest shoes ever crafted.

If you Google Pro-Joggs, you will get an address for the manufacturer but not much else–no official website. If you do an image search, you’ll get mostly pornography, because Joggs seems to be interchangable with jugs. I am truly blessed as it seems these shoes were handed to me directly from Jesus (which is a Mexican name). Did I mention there was only one pair sitting all alone on the shelf?



This is the perfect period at the end of the sentence. I’m sure this is a rip-off of Adidas or some other shoe company, but I just love the audacity of a shoe company that makes bo-bos (street slang for knock-off kicks) proudly and blatantly flaunting their bullshit branding. That’s right, world. I’m wearing Pro-Joggs!

Thanks, Mexico.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009 at 12:23 am and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

2 Responses to “It has come to this.”

  1. Vontinka Says:

    Hey there, I like your blog’s content and witty narritive. I think together we could fill an evening with great conversation, but before we take that step I would like to see more blogs from you to be sure. If you need inspiration go to my website as I have many blogs you can read while you fall for me.
    Thank you for your time and I look forward to your next report.

  2. Jordu Schell Says:

    You don’t know me, but I have to say that it’s pretty sad that the only person who writes to you on your blog is your girlfriend. I mean—-I—wait—I don’t know that she’s your girlfriend, because I do not know you…. so….. Aw shit. It’s…it’s Jordu. Dammit!
    Hey nerd. Your blog is funny. Lap dance when I get back from Denmark. Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

Leave a comment.

There are over 600,000 words in the English language--enough to go around. Don't be a word hog!